If you experience pain, are you in sin?

I've been waiting, these last few months, for a serious topic to grab my attention... something bigger for us to discuss than bubble blankets.

Yesterday a topic sparked my passion.  I was reading through a string of comments on Facebook, many lovely women weighing in on the heated and heartfelt topic of childbirth.  It was the comment of one woman in particular that caught my attention.  She told us that her births were pain free and it was because Christ has reversed the curse placed on mankind.  She told us that because she believes this idea and has faith in it, she is able to exercise authority over her body and tell it what to do and therefore experience no pain.

This prompted a new string of comments, some throwing unnecessary, strong accusations at the well-intentioned woman and others revealed that her comments hurt them as it suggested their own painful labors were due to lack of faith.

This woman has touched on a very large theological debate that exists within Christianity.  People falling on either side of this debate are all lovely people I would be privileged to call my friends.  I don't usually enter big theological arguments.  It doesn't usually interest me.  But this time the greater debate (see: "health, wealth and prosperity gospel") (see also: "word of faith movement") touched a topic that is near and dear to the heart of all women everywhere... childbirth. Feelings are getting hurt and I want to weigh in.  I want to offer peace to a few hearts.

I do believe this woman's story.  I believe she experienced a pain free birth and it may very well have been because she was gifted by God with the ability to relax and trust Him through the birth process. She may have been able to speak with authority to her body and expel fear and other things that sometimes get in the way of a beautiful birth experience.  A few women do get the chance to experience birth as God originally intended in His original design.  We should rejoice with these women and not begrudge them their beautiful experience.  We need to give them freedom to be different from us.

However, my hope is that women who have this experience, will also give the rest of us freedom to be different in return.  Allow us to experience pain without judgement.  God doesn't promise anyone a pain free birth or a pain free life.  In fact, He says that we WILL share in His sufferings, at times, and He will comfort our hearts through the pain. (2 Corinthians 1:5-7)

I am reminded of the story of a friend.  She told me her first birth was relatively easy and she thought she was super good at this birth thing.  Her second baby brought another story.  The mind blowing pain forced her to new levels of surrender in her walk with God.  The pain was completely out of her control and God used this experience to bring her to a new level of dependence on Him. She has been gifted with the understanding that a great many things are completely out of our control. An inspiring story.  This is where I desire to be at all times: experiencing new levels of surrender to my Creator.

Then there is my own birth story...  I have a high pain tolerance and I went to the hospital all excited for natural labor, having read books and talked to many experienced women, I was totally prepared for a beautiful experience.  As it turned out, I labored in great pain for 24 hours.  Eventually my baby was in distress and I had a c-section.  During the c-section the doctor finally saw the hidden culprit. My bone structure was too narrow.  My baby girl would never have passed through.  200 years ago, before c-sections, both my baby and I would have died.  God's gift to some women is pain free labors.  God's gift to me is c-sections with painful recoveries that are every bit worth the sacrifice of love.  

On that day, and many days following, I had the privilege to say to my daughter, "this is my body, broken for you."

Can we pray for pain free experiences?  Certainly.  Often God is pleased to rescue us.  At other times, He will walk with us through the pain, easing our suffering by being right next to us, coaching us all the way through it.  Both the pain-free experience and the pain-filled experience have the potential for powerful beauty.

Infertility, Motherhood, Humility, Suffering, Joy

I lay outside in the grass today, during my baby's nap time, reading another chapter in a book about motherhood and as I read, I had a light bulb moment and I want to share it with you.

It is the following words from Sarah Mae in her book Desperate that grabbed my attention...

"I have no foundation in homemaking or baby-raising.  I only babysat maybe three or four times..... I never wanted to babysit because I didn't like it; I found it boring.  Entertaining other people's children was not my idea of a good time."

As I read those words, I found myself realizing there was a time in my life when I would have read those words and felt smug because I LOVED entertaining other people's children.  I was blessed with a foundation in homemaking and baby-raising because of a mother and grandmother who made it look like a joy.  My heart should have been humble, knowing my love of children was a gift given to me, not something that came from being a naturally wonderful person.  But did I fully understand that at 22 years old?  No.  I would have read the words of that author and secretly congratulated myself because I thought I was better than her.  I wouldn't have voiced this, but I would have thought it.  Don't we all have secret smug thoughts we would never voice?

Now, at 35, I can relate to her.  Why?  Because ten years of infertility gave me plenty of time away from children and I learned to love all the time I had for myself.  There was a season of about 5 years when I no longer wanted to babysit.  During that season, entertaining other people's children was no longer my idea of a good time either.

I do love entertaining my 10 month old baby now, and her little friends, most of the time.  The love of children has returned to me.  It came rushing back with overwhelming love for my new baby.  But because of that other season of life, I can relate to the author.  And that's when it hit me; this is yet another reason God allowed those years of infertility.  If I had not gone through that season, I would never have seen that side of my heart;  my ability to be so selfish, that it was no longer fun to play with the most adorable creatures on earth!

It's always a great relief to see myself more clearly, to see how imperfect I am and to be able to relate to other imperfect people when they admit their weakness and failures.  I'm a much happier person now, at 35, than I was at 22.  It's not fun to be proud.  It's not fun to think I'm better than others.  That is a burden of loneliness I don't need.  The more time goes by, the more I realize I can relate to every person on this planet.  Given the right set of circumstances, there is no amount of evil too great that I could not be tempted.  The more I embrace this truth, the freer I am.  Free to love others on their worst days.  Free to enjoy the fact that God loves ME, on my worst days.

I know God had many reasons for allowing infertility to be part of my story, but if the above lesson was the only reason, it would have been worth it.

I hate the reality of suffering.  I don't have an answer for every perversion and every awful thing that exists.  I watched a deer die today.  Another car hit it and I drove up seconds later.  The deer lay in the road, heaving, wide eyed, trying to breathe.  We all stood around, wondering what to do.  Eventually the deer stopped moving.  She was gone.  I don't have an answer for why stuff like that happens.  But I've seen enough good come from pain to continue to trust God in those moments when I don't know the reason or purpose for the awful.

I know I would never see myself clearly if I didn't go through trials.  Every trial has revealed more of myself and stripped away burdens I didn't need to be carrying.  Every trial has left me happier than I was before.